I am a Hippo... potamus?

One day after whining about people who come to work sick, I'm at work. Sick. Go me. I've just got to get a couple of things done, and then I'm back home, leaving a trail of pestilence in my wake.

The Hippopotamus Story

So way back in the day, on nice spring days, the Library Quad at Eastern would be taken over by crazoid fundies with clever names like Brother Jim or Brother Jed, who would harangue passers-by about their sinful, whoremongering ways. Now, I wasn't exactly sure what a whoremonger was, but since he seemed to think I was one, I thought I might as well stick around and get some helpful hints. As Mae West said, "Whenever I'm faced with choosing between two evils, I always try to choose the one I haven't tried yet." ...or something like that.

Having been raised by crazoid fundies myself (Hi, Mom!), it was always enormous fun to heckle them. (On another day, I'll tell you the story of how Brother Jed nearly received a beating because of me and my smart ass comments, but I'm not telling that story today, oh gentle readers.) One day, one of the Brothers had made the mistake of handing out his leaflets before he told his little story. As I idly glanced over one discarded on the quad, I realized that he was following it pretty much verbatim, in full-on, over-the-top, televangelist voice complete with those dramatic pauses that are supposed to be ...err... dramatic. As it turned out, they made him sound a little bit like Shatner was playing a televangelist, and they were perfect for turning his performance into the Rocky Horror Picture Show version of his story.

Reading ahead (which always got me in trouble in school, but was damned useful here), I looked for places he would probably raise his voice and pause expectantly (in a sort of "Can I get an Ay-men?" way, but a little less needy, or at least, in a more midwestern white guy sort of way...). Now many of these were only funny because I got a couple of friends to join me:

Brother #1: "He leee-uved ovah a bicyle shop..." *pause for effect*

Chorus: "Like the Wright Brothers."

You probably had to be there.

But one brought the house down... or would have, if we had been in a house instead of, as I may have mentioned, been sitting on the Library Quad. But you probably knew what I meant.

As I scanned ahead, looking for amusing things to interject, I came across the word hypocrite, and I knew he couldn't resist taking a Shat there. He reached the climax of his story:

Brother #1: "...And thayut was when Ah reuhlized that my fuhreeund was a hypo..." *pause for effect*

Deadspot: "pottamus."

*general laughter*

Exeunt Chorus, triumphant.