Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Emily Says...

I love Concrete Blonde as much as the next guy, but is Johnette Napolitano really qualified to be head of Homeland Security?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Obama And Cheney In Battle For Moral Low Ground

Attorney General Eric Holder says that this administration has made it clear from day one that it will not condone torture. Hope! Change! Hurrah! As it happens, Obama is so opposed to torture that he's already promised not to prosecute the torturers. Those of us with dictionaries will, at this point, be excused for our difficulty in reconciling Holder's comments with Obama's actions.

The torturers were, Obama reasons, just following orders, so the man has a point. Ever since Colin Powell whitewashed the Mai Lai Massacre, only foreigners are guilty when they follow orders. Americans are free to rape, murder, and mutilate civilians, as long as they get permission first.

Obama told the torturers that they should not "...be discouraged that we have to acknowledge that potentially we've made some mistakes." Potentially. He's not going to commit to calling the torture of prisoners a mistake. Let's not go crazy with the whole not condoning torture thing. The torturers have got his full support and we're going to move on. They should be proud to be members of an organization that... um... sanctions and carries out torture of prisoners, so buck up, lil torturers!

Because that's how we learn, people. We torture prisoners. And then we move on. Proudly.

Meanwhile, Cheney, speaking from his retirement home in suburban Mordor, says that what he finds disturbing about the release of the torture memos is that we didn't get to hear the success stories. Is anyone surprised that he doesn't find the actual torture disturbing? Anyone?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Damn Dirty Ape Ho

The oldest profession predates human evolution. Who knew?

Because this is a high class establishment, I will not make jokes about the following phrases found in this article:

"meat for sex"
"they have a hard time getting it on their own"
"'So we thought, why not meat and sex?'"
"sexual swellings"
"lay the foundations"
"'This has got me really interested in humans,' she said."

You'll have to post your own in the comments section.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Wait. Where Do They Keep Their Card?

"The German nudist association DFK currently has around 50,000 paid-up members, who receive an international membership card granting them access to nudist-only events."

Of course German nudists are required to have their papers in order. Was there any doubt?