Friday, November 7, 2008

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

We won, and that's pretty cool. Equality rocks. I mean, it's not like we went crazy and elected an atheist or a woman or someone who isn't married, but you know, small steps and whatnot.

Some good things happened. Ohio, finally able to vote without the shackles of a corrupt Secretary of State slash Republican Campaign Chair, went for Obama. Go, Flan! Bizarro Indiana voted Democratic.

The deep south and the western plains states, the Ignorance Belt, stayed red, but even they showed signs of change. South Dakota voters said that yeah, maybe women should have the right to choose, and the other Dakota realized that people really should pay their taxes after all so that the government can pay to fix things. I'm not entirely clear on how they thought Republicans would do that, but progress is progress, right?

With the good came the bad, though. Schizoid California inexplicably voted for Obama but against equal rights. Florida, sans Harris, did the same. Arizona voted Republican and against equal rights, so kudos on their commitment to being assholes, I guess. I'd blame the heat, but New Mexico opened a can of 15-point-spread whoop ass on McCain. Have I ever mentioned that even the desert in New Mexico is beautiful, and that Arizona, much like Bruges, is a shithole? Consider it mentioned.

And even though we won a crushing victory in the electoral college, the popular vote was disturbingly close. After 8 years of the Party of Hoover trashing our international reputation, eroding our civil rights, pillaging our economy, and, oh yeah, getting us involved in a land war in Asia (twice!), there were still 57 million people who thought that we really needed another 4 years. Double you tee eff, mate? What is it going to take to convince these sheeple?

Still, I'll take whatever we can get. Half a cup of progress is better than none. Right?


Johnny Yen said...

Yeah, I can't figure out what it is with those people. How bad does it have to be for them to figure it out?

Someone was also telling me about David Sedaris' take on the "undecideds." It was, he said, like if you went to a restaurant and you were offered a choice of a big plate of steaming shit laced with broken glass and some chicken. And the undecided guy sat there, puzzling for a moment and then asked "Uh, how is the chicken cooked?"

GETkristiLOVE said...

And Colorado moved from red to blue, thank you very much.

katrocket said...

I'm truly shocked and disappointed that Calfornians voted against gay marriage. I mean, isn't that unconstitutional? It's hard to imagine we live in a world where redneck Albertans are far more liberal-minded than the people of California.

Dale said...

I do hope the cup ends up more than half filled with progress. I'm stunned and amazed as well that Prop 8 got pushed through. Very disheartening and upsetting.

In better news (how's this for burying my head in the sand?), Top Chef starts this time at the same time as it airs in the States so I won't have to avoid your recaps anymore.

vikkitikkitavi said...

I agree with you about Arizona. I was in Phoenix for a few days once and man, I can't hide there.

BeckEye said...

Don't look now, but your crotch is on fire. Again.

deadspot said...

It just drives me crazy. How do they not get it, Johnny?

I saw! I meant to give a shout out to the Gore-Tex Vortex, but I accidentally cut it out. I had this bit about forming our own country and trying to decide if it would be worse to bring in Utah or Arizona so you wouldn't be an island in a sea of red. It kind of dragged on (a little like this is...) and when I cut it, I accidentally cut too much. Oops!

I know, right? I thought for sure that they had more sense than that. It's chaos! Anarchy! Dogs and cats living together! (Which, as I understand it, the Mormons are planning to ban in the next election.)

I keep telling people... bad things happen when you let an Austrian run your government, but nobody listens. Illinois voted down a constitutional convention and it's not due to come up for a vote for another 20 years. Luckily, we don't allow any yahoo with magic underpants and a petition to amend our constitution.

Fucking Phoenix...

I could swear I just put that out, Becks.

SouthernBelle said...

I was going to say I like your style, deadspot (which I do, very much!)

...but then I saw Johnny Yen's David Sedaris quote and my brain exploded from its sheer awesomeness.

But you still rule!