Evil Dictation

Young Master Yen, Ze Evil Dictator, has pierced the Veil of Secrecy^TM and asked 5 questions. I have responded with 5 answers, thusly:

If you could switch places with any dictator in history who would you switch with?
The Weimar Republic looks like a great party destination: it's decadent, it's German, it's stylish, and the architecture is fabulous. Despite the lack of high-speed internet access, it seems pretty cool, even if you have to burn Deutschmarks to keep warm. We could skip the Holocaust, go straight to the conquering the world bit, and there's not a chance in hell I'd wear that silly moustache.

Unfortunately, because we're switching places, Adolph Hitler is right out. My family and friends would never forgive me for dumping that little Austrian douchebag on them. Just as well... I'm hell on wheels at Risk, and we'd probably all be blogging in German. I don't know about you, but I can never remember how to get the umlauts to show up right.

I think I'll have to go with Fidel Castro. He seems like a decent enough guy that I wouldn't mind foisting him off on you guys, I'd get to hang with Che, and I'd get to make a whole slew of American presidents look like jackasses. Who wouldn't love that?

I'm not wild about the heat, but there would be plenty of rum, great old cars, and I think I've mentioned that I like a little hot, spicy Caribbean now and then.

I'm talking about food, people... This is a family post.

If you had a rock band what would you name them?
Like most of us, I've come up with and forgotten hundreds of great band names, so I came up with a brand new one just for this interview: Richard Scarry's Best Punk Band Ever. Of course, our first CD would have to be Richard Scarry's Loudest Punk CD Ever.

And yes, in the first draft, that said "album" instead of "CD". I'm old.

George Bush has publicly announced that he is the fourth reich, would you start a riot or eat cake?
I would have my cake and riot too. Angel food would be nice, or that raspberry fudge torte from Sweet Indulgence. I think that would go nicely with a tall, cold glass of kicking ass.

If your in a room with a shotgun, which politician would be in that same room with you?
Dick Cheney, because I'm a huge fan of irony.

In Chicago the newspaper wrote how many starbucks are in each neighborhood, about five neighborhoods have twelve alone, what is your
reaction to this true madness?
I'd have to take a stroll down to my local independent coffee shop, Caffe Paradiso, for a large cappuccino, extra shot, to mull it over. I've given up trying to understand why people go to Starbucks when there are such good alternatives. Maybe it has something to do with the extra f.