Friday, March 2, 2007

Last Post of the Day

Really. This time I mean it.

I almost posted the followup story about the crazy astronaut lady, just because I like her mugshot and I was amused by the fact that the BBC called her diaper a "nappy", but nothing I read today can possibly be better than this. It has everything. Irony, injury, old people running into things... all that and a surprise ending too.

An old lady gets called to the DMV to retake her driver's license test to make sure it is still safe for her to drive. Of course she's going to smash into the DMV waiting room, that goes without saying. And we could probably have guessed that it would happen in Florida, that's almost a gimmie. It's the kind of thing you expect to happen in Florida, right?

But then, the comedy gods decide to smile upon us all. There's a guy there dressed as Superman when it happens. At the DMV... in his Superman costume. Of course. And the best part? He walks around the accident, but can't be bothered to try and help anyone.

Thank you! You're too kind!


Johnny Yen said...

So I guess it's safe to assume that she didn't pass?

Superman obviously got delayed from preventing the accident by an encounter with kryptonite or some simlar mishap.

Dale said...

Poor Superman, is he okay!? And what's he doing in Florida?

deadspot said...

You know, Brian, I always wondered why, if Brainiac is so damn smart, he didn't just stick a piece of kryptonite in a bullet and shoot Superman. I mean, the bullet is lead, so Superman can't use his X-ray vision to see the kryptonite inside, right? So Superman would have no reason to suspect that the bullet wouldn't just bounce off him, like they normally do. The kryptonite will cancel out his invulnerability and voila... dead Superman.

Did I ever mention that I hate Superman? Most boring superhero ever. He's an invulnerable goody-two shoes that can basically do anything he wants. Yawn!

Batman, on the other hand, rocks. Basically, his superpower is that he's crazy. He's not from some other planet, he didn't get bitten by a radioactive spider, he doesn't have a magic ring. He's just messed up because some dude shot his dad when he was a kid, and now he's gonna kick your ass.

Dale: Depends?

Flannery Alden said...

I always knew Superman was a selfish bastard.

Deadspot, your theory on the greatness of Superman verses Batman is identical to mine.

deadspot said...

Well, Flannery, great minds do think alike. I think there are basically two kinds of people in the world. People who like Superman are boring, power-hungry drudges... and probably fascists, maybe even morning people.

People who like Batman are not.

Three! Three kinds of people! There are people who like Aquaman best. They have an unhealthy relationship with fish.

Johnny Yen said...

So WTF does that make me? I liked Spiderman and Ironman the best! Spiderman was underappreciated and Ironman was a drunk. Okay, I understand it...

Do you remember in the first couple of seasons of Saturday Night Live, the "What If?" Show? They'd have a panel of people and the historical question "What if..." would always be asked by the same person-- Tommy something-or-other in some town in Illinois, and it would be things like "What if Eleanor Roosevelt Could Fly?" or "What if Spartacus Had Had a Piper Cub Airplane?"

My favorite was, of course, "What if Superman had landed in Nazi Germany?" It was actually very provacative. It was only by pure dumb luck that Superman had landed in the United States.

It made for one of the funniest moments in the series, when Superman looked at a guy's crotch with his X-Ray vision, pointed and said "That man's a Jew..."

deadspot said...

Well, let's see...

People who like Spiderman the best are people who think that, even if they had super powers, they would still be glorified temps working for a boss they hate and they probably wouldn't get the girl anyway. I think that says you have disastrously poor self-esteem.

Ironman, on the other hand, is classic midlife crisis overcompensation. He's an executive at a big company and his superpower is, when we get to the core of it, that he had a heart attack. So what does he do? He makes himself feel powerful again by building a big metal suit. Other guys would probably have gone out and bought a ridiculous sports car. Esentially, his armor is compensating for his tiny penis.

Or it could possibly mean that you like Black Sabbath. You know... one or the other.