Room To Move As A Fry Cook

McDonald's, or "That Scottish Place" as we used to call it when the kids were little and had learned what "McDonald's" meant, thinks that it is better judge of the meaning of words than the Oxford English Dictionary. Tell you what, when you can cook a better hamburger than I can, then you can start thinking about branching out into lexicography, 'kay?

At stake: the word "McJob". The OED defines it as "An unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector." One will not be surprised that this is the meaning used by Douglas Coupland when he either coined or popularized the word. Mickey Dee's (and there is, let's face it, nothing sadder than people who give themselves a nickname, except possibly a multinational corporation that does) would have you believe this definition is "out of date and inaccurate," much like the idea that they sell "food" which is "tasty".

Here's the thing about words: they mean things to people, and those meanings are largely the result of consensus. Words mean what most people say they mean. Dictionaries just record those meanings to help enforce the meaning upon those who would like the word to mean something else. Because there are far more of us than there are members of the board of McDonald's, the meaning of that word is not going to change until they make a job at McDonald's something other than an unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, and wait around until the old definition stops making sense to people. If I might make a suggestion, "marconi" fell out of use as a synonym for "radio" sometime after the Marconi's Wireless Telegraph Company went out of business.

For the record, McDonald's, here's what you're up against:

Deadspot's Big and Tasties
Load up the grill with charcoal and put some foil on at least part of the grill. If you're cooking on gas, you might as well be in the kitchen. Play with fire. While the coals are getting ready, go prepare the burgers.

-Tear 2 1/2 lb. ground chuck into large chunks in a big mixing bowl.
-Pour a generous zig zag of good barbeque sauce across the top of the ground chuck.
-Add a couple of shots of Worcestershire sauce.
-Finely dice a couple of thin slices of bermuda onion (about 1/4 cup, more or less) and sprinkle over the meat and sauce.
-Gently mix by hand until ingredients are combined. Don't overmix: you're making burgers, not meatloaf. Form into 8 patties. Pop into the fridge.

Slice the rest of that bermuda onion into generous slices.

Wash up, grab a beer, put on some ska, and go keep an eye on the coals. When the coals have died down, spread them out and grill the burgers. Keep the lid closed as much as possible. They'll cook faster, stay jucier, and absorb more smoky flavor. Wait to add salt and fresh ground pepper until the burgers are nearly done. Meanwhile, grill the bermuda onion slices on the foil until they are tender and caramelized.

Serve with kaiser rolls and an assortment of condiments. I like dijon mustard, a little ketchup, grilled onion, and banana pepper rings. Your milage may vary.

Until you can top that, McDonald's, sit down, shut up, and do your McJob.