Diluting the Brand

At the risk of turning into Andy Rooney, I'm going to dive right into an issue that has been irritating me to no end recently: magnetic ribbons on vehicles.

Long ago, there was only one kind of ribbon. It was red. It meant that you thought AIDS was a bad thing, and you would like people to work on a cure. AIDS, you may remember, kills people.

And then someone thought (and I'm paraphrasing here because I have no access to their actual thoughts), "You know what? That's a hell of a way to raise awareness. Everybody knows what a red ribbon means. I'll appropriate that idea, because I also have an important cause."

And then there was a second ribbon. It was pink. It meant that you thought breast cancer was a bad thing, and you would like people to work on a cure. Breast cancer, in case you haven't been paying attention recently, also kills people.

Several thousand shameless imitators later, there is a vast array of ribbons in a multitude of colors, and nobody knows what the fuck any of them are for, except for the red one and the pink one.

Here's the thing. Your love for doggies is, in no way whatsoever, comparable to the need to find a cure for cancer or AIDS, and if you think that it is, then you need a dose of perspective. The same holds true for your enthusiasm for vegetable rights, your love for your high school football team, or your desire to find a cure for water retention, excessive gas, or whatever the hell that lavender ribbon on your Sport Utility Car is supposed to represent.

Let me offer a few words of advice: If you aren't fighting against something that kills people, find a new and novel way to promote awareness of your cause. (Note: A rubber wristband, regardless of color? Already been done. Thanks for playing, please try again.)

If you own a magnetic ribbon for something that does not, in point of fact, actually kill people, then when you next aproach your vehicle take a moment to hang your head in shame before you remove the offending ribbon, take it inside, and cut it up to make your own DIY refrigerator magnets. Then, when you get home, write a check to somebody who is doing something important.