Thursday, November 8, 2007

New York Stories

"Rock Lobster!"

I stared at the elevator doors trying to ignore the couple next to me and their small children.

"Rock Lobster!"

"Yes," I thought to myself, "I heard you the first time," but I make no sign that I have heard, except to glance up at the digital numbers, willing them to change more quickly. They steadfastly refuse to cooperate.

"Rock Lobster!"

Somebody does not understand the elevator code. We are trapped here together, but that does not mean that we are supposed to acknowledge that the other people exist unless it is absolutely unavoidable. I've done my part. I am staring straight ahead, not just wishing that my iPod is drowning out the baby boomer next to me, but resolutely pretending that it is doing so.

"Rock Lobster!"

Obviously, while not loud enough to seal out the outside world, they must be loud enough to bleed into it, at least in a quiet elevator, and at least as far as the mother of two standing next to me who is trying to share her enthusiasm for the B-52s with me.

My floor arrives, the doors open, and I make my escape.

Fer chrissakes, lady, it was Planet Claire.

5 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

Spot drove a Plymouth Elevator
As fast as the speed of light


Um, wait, that doesn't sound right.

Johnny Yen said...

I've come to realize that my ipod shuffle is my excuse for ignoring random weirdoes on public transportation.

Were there others on the elevator? That had to be comic to them-- this person randomly saying "Rock Lobster!"

Natalie said...

All you can do is ignore the crazies. Normally I would advocate turning it up but in her case that would not have worked.

deadspot said...

I think it was an Otis, WP.

It's like a conversational deflector shield, Johnny. Everyone should have one.

The only other people in the elevator were her two small children and her husband. I didn't look too closely, but I think they were also trying to ignore her.

True, Natalie. It would only have encouraged her.

Hot Lemon said...

You need to sing that song the lead singer from b-52's sang, the one that starts off:

THERE'S A MONSTER IN MY PANTS!
AND HE DOES A NAUGHTY DANCE!
WHEN i GO TO TAKE HIM OUT
ALL THE PEOPLE START TO SHOUT!
"OOOH! MONSTER!!"


that'll do it for about 50 seconds or so...