Monday, June 11, 2007

Ohio Air Force Base Sought "Gay Bomb"

Wright-Patterson AFB sought $7.5 million to study ways to make enemy troops engage in hot soldier-on-soldier action.

Other projects they wanted to pursue: a bomb that would make swarms of angry wasps and rats attack enemy troops, a bomb that would give enemy troops really bad breath, and a bomb that would make enemy troops think someone had farted.

The 7th grade students of Fairview Middle School, Dayton, OH, could not be reached for comment.

(As a public service, I did not use the word "foxhole" in this post.)


Natalie said...

Wait, the bomb would cause them to stop whatever they are doing and start the man-love? This is brilliant and I would drop one in many a frat house worldwide. That will teach them to make fun of people.

Johnny Yen said...

I guess they didn't get the funding for the Wedgie Bomb and the Noogie Bomb.

I'll resist the urge to make a joke about how the "boy/boy" bomb would have been ineffective against the Greek and Turkish armies...

lulu said...

My students have developed the dreaded Milk Bomb, which creates a stench more deadly than chemical warfare. I'm sure that they would give their secrets away for a small fee.

Anonymous said...

a "blow to morale" ay??

Wow. What could us, the average joe, do with 7 mil??

BeckEye said...

So, are our solders going to release the dogs or the bees or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

Writeprocrastinator said...

First, a "gay bomb?" Yeah, that will be real "effective" against the Taliban. Why don't we hit them with a bomb that will make them all Islamic while we are at it?

Hmmm, we're talking about a bunch of guys that try to dress their women up as beekeepers and then segregate, and exclude all females from almost every activity possible, except for the occasional reproduction purposes.

There aren't enough wasps in any one area of the world, to do away with a company of soldiers.

As far as the "stink bomb?" Don't get me started on places where water is scarce and people out in the sticks, regard bathing as a weekly thing.

Why didn't just build a couple of nice water parks or giant kegs of beer, instead?

Flannery Alden said...

Hoyay!(short for homoeroticism, yay!)

Wedgie bombs! Priceless...

deadspot said...

I like the way you think, Natalie.

I find that refraining from inappropriate humor is usually the best policy, Johnny... Wait... did I say inappropriate? I can never keep those two straight.

Small fee, lulu? Think big. A tidy government grant would set you up with some traveling money. Are there any guys from Wisconsin on the Armed Services Committee?

I'd like to find out Big O. I suggest a long term, heavily funded government program to find out what I would do with obscene amounts of money.

I think Acme delivers the dogs and bees, Becks, but I like your idea of dogs that shoot bees. Stuffing a dog full of bees is probably at least twice as effective as delivering them separately, right?

"Why don't we hit them with a bomb that will make them all Islamic while we are at it?" Nice.

Johnny's a font of useful ideas, isn't he, Flan? I almost went with an Uncle Fun reference instead of the the middle school, just for him.